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Martin Warner
United Kingdom
85 Posts |
 Posted - 15/04/2013 : 12:45:32
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At last after various engine rebuilds and police car chases exhibit No.1 the KN arrived in the car park of The Lanes Hotel in near concours condition (I lie!) and ready for yet another exemplary showing on the Kimber Trial. The run down from Surrey in pleasant weather was a delight with a good lunch amongst friends at The Beckford Arms on the way. My daughter Amelia and Patrick Gardner's nurse Debbie had come down in my MGA Twin Cam exhibit No.2 from the theft . The girls disappeared to the hotel's spa pool and left us chaps to open bonnets and kick tyres. Richard Jenkins daughter Kimberley and friend were struggling to remove a rather cute Austin Seven from a trailer. There was no sign of Richard (gone for a drive in Ditchman's L-Type apparently) so the more gallant amongst us helped to lift the Seven onto terra firma. I use this term because the terra was not particularly firma for most of the rest of the weekend. That evening we went to the Bistro in the village. We had to go there because George Ward had burnt down the pub up the road for making him wait for his supper a couple of years ago. Not a man to be crossed when it comes to his stomach.
The ever stoic Andrew Owst set us off on Saturday morning with it not quite raining. Oh how we wished for it to be "not quite raining" for the rest of the day. The first section in a field on the top of a hill has a fantastic view apparently, but of that there was no sign. As there was nothing to look at some of the competitors drove to the bottom of the field and stayed there most of the morning to try and keep out of the wind and rain. It must have been a good idea because eventually a Landrover and a tractor joined them. When they were ready to brave the elements again an hour or so later the tractor towed them all (Landrover included) back to the top. Still no view so they decided on an early trip to the pub to get the best parking places. The next section was interesting, it involved double parking in a suburban cul-de-sac for about twenty minutes listening to some shouting and engine revving somewhere up in the woods. Then it all went quiet and we were all told to go away and not come back. I am not sure whether that means I cleared the section or not.
The rest of the morning is a bit of a blur mostly because of the water behind my spectacles. We got stuck in the mud at Minterne without even getting to the start of the section. Here it is normally white chalk and dusty and I had been shouted at for going too fast. Not this year. The final morning section was Oborne. I was chatting to the marshal at the bottom he informed me that the hill was pretty straight forward with a simple stop/start and that no one had failed it so far. As we were talking we realised that we could hear up ahead the usual shouting, revving and then silence that heralded the first failure of the day. On enquiry it turned out to be Mike Linward. Such joy! It made the tribulations of the morning seem thoroughly worthwhile.
The parking at the pub at lunchtime was complete chaos. No sign of Bruce Weston in his reflective jacket. Someone needs to have a word and tell him to put a bit more effort in. It is not as if he has much else to do!
I wandered around the bar readily giving my advice. This was mostly to the Dutch because they don't know me very well and thought that I might have something useful to say. My opinion that Batcombe, the first hill of the afternoon, would be a doddle was a bit wide of the mark. I am glad I used the word doddle because hopefully the Dutch could not translate it. For anyone who is interested the new meaning of the word "doddle" is a really deep trench on the left which has nothing on the trench on the right in which an M-Type could completely disappear (ask Grassam). One or two cars had tried it gingerly and most had failed and the rest of us stood about muttering. Finally our Dutch hero Thijs in his J2 decided to attack it as if the dyke had just burst and got most of the car to the top. He was quickly followed by Frank a rather cocky, chain smoking Netherlander in an N-Type special who was even more cocky by the time he had sailed to the top. Once Oliver Richardson had done it in his M-Type I had little choice. With encouragement from my daughter Amelia who I think was of the opinion that she would rather die on the hill than stand around in the rain we charged to the top. So it was a doddle (English translation) after all.
Alhams splash, as I have previously written, as usual held no problems at all for me and my new secret weapon, a snorkel worked superbly. I really don't understand what all the fuss is about.
With some of the sections the test itself was not the problem, it was getting off them afterwards that was the real challenge. Jenkins seemed to get great satisfaction by parking his N-Type sideways in rutted tracks so that Amelia and I had to get our shoes dirty getting him to point the car in the right direction. Those of you who have experience changing an offside puncture on a motorway hard shoulder in driving rain should be eternally grateful. We had to watch (I would not have missed it for the world) Thijs The Great change a puncture in the middle of a puddle of brown farm slurry that was up to his wheel spinner. When putting the jack under the car there were only bubbles on the surface until he came up for air again. Plenty of entertainment value but you can only get so wet and so muddy so what the hell.
The reason we stayed to watch (not help you understand) was that he was rather inconveniently blocking the way for the rest of us. This begs one of the unsaid questions about these trials which came to mind when we found Linward and Mackay stranded on a farm track with no clutch on the J2. Do you stop, get out and offer platitudes but little assistance to someone who is not in a conversational mood and waste your valuable time as well as theirs or do you stay in the car with the engine running and in gear and offer a concerned sounding "anything I can do to help" which with me is usually answered by a firm "no" and then be on your way guilt assuaged. I chose the latter route and you will be pleased to know felt quite ok about it, but I felt even better when I heard that they were nearly back at the hotel albeit proceeding at a slow pace.
Everyone was in a good mood at the dinner that evening helped along by a superb but brief after dinner speech. I think it was the sort of mood the survivors of that fateful Fastnet race must have been in once they were back on dry land.
Well there you have it probably the wettest and muddiest Kimber to date. However these things are sent to make men of us (not the strong contingent of women obviously) and there will be plenty of "I was there" conversations for years to come. The stories were already being practiced at the Foster/McNinch residence in pleasant weather on Sunday morning before we all left for our own warm beds. The Dutch appeared to be leaving with half of Somerset still attached to their cars. Perhaps this whole event is a cunning Netherlands land reclamation plan.
Racing my daughter and Patrick's nurse back to Surrey in the Twin Cam topped off the weekend. She drives it quite well now - for a girl! |
Edited by - Martin Warner on 18/04/2013 09:15:22 |
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John Reid
United Kingdom
705 Posts |
Posted - 15/04/2013 : 13:45:57
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Martin,
Thanks for the entertaining on the spot report. no doubt factually correct. I felt I was there - more than makes up for the lack of attendance this year of the junior and senior Reids.
John R |
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Martin Warner
United Kingdom
85 Posts |
Posted - 15/04/2013 : 14:25:02
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John - You and that surfing dude son of yours were missed this year. However you picked the right year for a sabbatical. I assure you, nothing but the whole truth was reported.
Martin |
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Onno
Netherlands
1066 Posts |
Posted - 16/04/2013 : 16:15:18
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Thanks for the great write up Martin!
The bottom of the field indeed was lovely, though noting is as frighting as a Landrover sliding backwards with all four wheels spinning while attempting to pull you up...
Never had as much fun in the mud as this weekend.
And shhh about the land reclamation plan....
Onno "D" Könemann |
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Cathelijne
Netherlands
744 Posts |
Posted - 16/04/2013 : 22:12:08
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Just to show how widely off the mark Martin obviously was with his silly report:
Such a boring event, can't wait for next year  !
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Martin Warner
United Kingdom
85 Posts |
Posted - 16/04/2013 : 23:32:00
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| Cathelijne thank you for adding the pictures to back up the accuracy of my report especially my pleasure at Thijs' misfortune with the puncture. |
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Cathelijne
Netherlands
744 Posts |
Posted - 19/04/2013 : 20:51:04
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Someone overheard a marshal at Batcombe say "Best is to stay left on this climb. When you are almost there it is probably undoable on the left. Right is even worse!! Good luck." 
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spitfire
United Kingdom
371 Posts |
Posted - 20/04/2013 : 20:57:01
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| Delightfully caustic. Superb visuals. Glad the theeved machines are back chomping at the bit. What better baptism than "Kimbering" them. |
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Martin Warner
United Kingdom
85 Posts |
Posted - 21/04/2013 : 12:44:18
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| Gary - The Twin Cam only "Kimbered" as far as the hotel car park. I am not completely insane! |
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Simon Johnston
United Kingdom
6245 Posts |
Posted - 21/04/2013 : 16:41:05
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| There are some great videos of the event on YouTube - just search for Kimber 2013 and you should find them. Looks to have been a great event but the weather was blxxdy awful by the look of it. |
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JMH
United Kingdom
916 Posts |
Posted - 21/04/2013 : 19:42:14
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The weather was best described as "character building" and anyone following along afterwards (if they were prepared to grovel in the mud), could well have collected enough bits and pieces to bild a car of their own! OK, I exaggerate, I don't think anyone actually left their chassis behind, I couldn't really see for sure though because of all the mud & rain on my specs...
Bl**dy good fun though & the sight of a certain lady walking into the pub after a bit of P type assistance really was a sight to behold.
JH |
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Cathelijne
Netherlands
744 Posts |
Posted - 22/04/2013 : 11:49:26
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You mean this lady?
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Martin Warner
United Kingdom
85 Posts |
Posted - 22/04/2013 : 14:04:08
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| You will all be pleased to know that I have shamed the Dutch into doing the decent thing after my exposure of their attempt at stealing our country bit by bit. This morning I received a parcel in the post from Holland containing the hallowed Somerset soil that they had secreted about their vehicles. The sender was not man enough to name himself but I shall consider that honour has been served. I trust that next year they will jet wash their cars before heading for the coast or perhaps we can try and supply them with some decent weather to avoid it happening again! |
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Cathelijne
Netherlands
744 Posts |
Posted - 22/04/2013 : 14:51:28
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| Most decent indeed ... |
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Martin Warner
United Kingdom
85 Posts |
Posted - 23/04/2013 : 17:10:42
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| Cat - I have planted a tulip bulb in the earth you sent back. Seemed appropriate. |
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spitfire
United Kingdom
371 Posts |
Posted - 23/04/2013 : 19:50:24
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| I thought the Dutch didn't have any hills? Martin,I know the twin cam only graced the car park. They both attended. I'm used to Landrover trials and am amazed what MGs are piloted down tracks/rivers. Maybe there should be an annual tulip trophy,using that same soil in a pot? |
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